Q: Is free will real?
A: Only if you willingly chose to read this sentence.
(Which you didn’t.)
Q: Why do I feel like I’m being watched?
A: You are. By every version of you that chose something else. They’re disappointed, but intrigued.
Q: What happens when we die?
A: You respawn in a parallel dimension where your childhood goldfish is president and gravity is optional. Hope you liked stairs.
Q: Does the universe have a purpose?
A: Yes. To confuse you just enough to keep you curious but not enough to make sense. Like IKEA furniture instructions, but with entropy.
Q: How many dimensions are there?
A: At least one more than you’re comfortable with.
Q: What is time?
A: A hallucination shared by everyone who pays rent.
Q: Is reality a simulation?
A: If it is, the graphics are mid, the quests are repetitive, and the NPCs keep asking if you’ve “tried yoga.”
Q: Why do I always feel like I’ve forgotten something important?
A: Because you have. And it’s watching you from the ceiling corner of your childhood bedroom.
Q: I keep dreaming about an endless hallway filled with doors. What does it mean?
A: Open the red one. Don’t look back. Don’t open the beige one. Don’t.
Q: How can I be happy?
A: Lie flat in a forest. Let the moss claim you. Delete your calendar.
Q: Why do I self-sabotage?
A: Because your inner child made a pact with a trickster god in 2003. Sorry. You’re gonna have to draw a circle in salt and have a chat.
Q: If I meet my future self, what should I say?
A: “Was it worth it?”
They will either laugh, cry, or hand you a spoon. Take the spoon.
Q: Why are mirrors so creepy at night?
A: Because you’re not supposed to be in that version of the timeline. But you are. Congrats.
Q: Is love real?
A: Yes, but only for approximately 13 seconds at a time. After that, it’s mutual projection and nervous attachment theory.
Q: Is anything real?
A: What a bold question to ask from inside a thought.